Dance of Faith
by Phantom Gypsy
Summary: Gojyo, Goku, Hakkai, and Sanzo meet a sharp-witted, pick-pocketing, beautiful gypsy. Chaos ensues.
1. Gypsy

**A/N: Saiyuki belongs to Minekura. Kali is my OC. Enjoy! ^_^**

* * *

"You can't be serious, Goku."

Gojyo watched in disbelief as the young man inhaled what must have been his sixteenth bowl of rice.

"What?"

"You're gonna make yourself sick eating at that kind of pace."

A few grains flew out of the boy's mouth as he spoke. "But it's so good! And we haven't eaten in so long!"

Gojyo raised a single, crimson eyebrow. "Fine. But you better not get carsick and barf all over the backseat, monkey, or you can hitchhike your ass the rest of the way."

"I would never do that! And quit calling me a monkey!" With a defiant dash of his chopsticks, Goku reached out and snatched one of the pot stickers from Gojyo's plate.

"Hey! Why you little thief! Give it back!"

"Or what?"

"Listen, you damn chimp, you've got three seconds before I have you wearing that noodle bowl, complete with soy sauce. Three—"

"Yeah, right."

"—Two—"

"I'd like to see you try, you stupid water sprite!"

"One."

The redhead lunged for Goku. In one swift move, he grabbed the nearby noodle bowl with one hand and seized the boy by the hair with the other. Just before he could connect the two, there was a heavy, metallic _bang_ and the instant smell of gunpowder.

Gojyo balked at the sound and Goku let out a startled cry as several more bullets flew past his nose.

Hakkai winced as the blonde priest next to him unloaded three rounds. Despite the chaos being unleashed around him, there was a hot cup of sake in his hand and a friendly smile on his face that never seemed to fade. "Uh, Sanzo, I thought we agreed not to open fire while in public restaurants."

"What are you talking about?" came the lazy drawl from Sanzo. "My finger slipped." The priest took a long drag on his cigarette and leaned back, apparently finished with his meal.

"Sanzo…" Goku whimpered, golden eyes staring wide at the holes left in the wall from the gunshots. "Those were really close. I think you got a piece of my hair that time."

"No shit."

Hakkai smiled and took another sip of his sake. He felt somewhat sorry for the rest of the people in the restaurant that were now either asking to leave or staring at the group of four men with wide-eyed expressions. Under no circumstances should this mayhem of cursing and gunfire and flowing booze have been the norm for anybody. But without it, Hakkai thought, the day probably wouldn't feel complete.

"Huh? What is it Gojyo?" Hakkai noticed his friend's attention was completely focused on something outside. He followed the redhead's gaze through the window and out into the village street. It wasn't hard to spot what had Gojyo so captivated.

"Oh. I should've known," Hakkai said, smiling at his friend's weakness.

Out on the street was a small group of travelers, distinguishable because of their ragged clothes and hardened faces. Some of them were crouched low to the ground with drums between their feet, beating an exotic rhythm that punctuated the air, distinctive enough to grab even Sanzo's distant attention.

Dancing in the middle of the drummers was the most beautiful woman any of them had seen in a long time. Her skin was a deep tan, with even darker freckles dotted across her nose and cheeks. Long, black hair hung in waves down to her hips, which moved with inhuman smoothness to accompany the cadence of the drums. Her long, white skirt adorned with silvery coins and chains had a slit that revealed most of her thigh when she moved. Her brassiere—for that's all it was—was mostly made of white coins again, with sparkling decorations hanging down over her stomach, designed to catch the light and draw the spectator's eye like fish to bait.

Between her enticing dance, dazzling two-piece dress, and skin the color of mocha, Hakkai had to agree with the soft whistle Gojyo gave.

"Now there's a woman," the redhead murmured, hypnotized by the dancer.

"Well, that is the idea," Hakkai said, taking another sip. "She's a gypsy, after all."

"Gypsy?"

"Look at her forearms," the young man pointed out. "Those henna designs are unique to the human nomads of this land. They're a hardy, resourceful people, but are also known for being thieves and vagrants. I'm sure that things have gotten a lot harder for them recently, what with the demons rampaging throughout Shangri-la."

Gojyo spared his friend a brief glance. "Where the heck do you learn all this stuff, Hakkai?"

"They used to frequent the village I grew up quite often."

"Lucky," the redhead muttered.

Sanzo kept his eye on the woman a while longer, not disliking the view she was providing. Oblivious to the conversation at hand, Goku was carefully sneaking Gojyo's food onto his own plate and devouring every last egg roll and pot sticker in sight.

"Well, she certainly can entertain," Gojyo said, a lecherous tone creeping into his voice. "What I'd give for a private performance."

The gypsy twirled and swayed with effortless grace, ebony mane flowing about her tanned shoulders as she accompanied the music. No, Gojyo thought, she _was_ the music. The rhythm was in her dancing hips, the melody gliding through her long, decorated arms. How, he wondered, could anyone possibly _not _watch this?

"Goku," Hakkai smiled at the younger man's full cheeks. "Be sure to leave some for the rest of us, ok? And by the rest of us, I mean the townspeople."

"What the—hey!" Gojyo jumped at the empty plate in front of him. "You damn brat! I can't believe you ate all my food!"

Goku started to hold up his chopsticks in defense. "It's your own fault! If you were really hungry, you should've eaten when it was put in front of you, dumbass!"

Hakkai softly chuckled. "I think Gojyo might have an appetite for something else."

"Well at least I don't have fleas, ya dumb monkey!"

"What?" Goku screeched. "I don't have fleas! You take that back!"

"Or what? You're gonna poke me with your chopsticks? How primitive of you."

"No! But how 'bout I shove them up your—"

_Whack! Whack! _

Sanzo was suddenly towering over both of them, paper fan in hand and a murderous scowl that suggested someone's imminent death.

"Shut up or I will give you both something to scratch about for the rest of your lives!"

With a slight tilt of his head, Hakkai heard the gentle tinkling of small bells near the front door the restaurant. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the gypsy walk through the door, surrounded by her four or five devious-looking comrades. She turned to the one holding a brown bundle and held out her hand expectantly.

"Aw, come on, Kali," the man growled. "This is so much more flattering on you."

"Yeah," another one agreed. "Don't be such a stick in the mud."

The woman looked unimpressed. "The deal was that I 'dance for dinner.' I did. Now hand it over."

The men chuckled a moment or two, then reluctantly gave her the bundle in exchange for the smaller one she had been holding behind her back. The tallest man in the group weighed the purse thoughtfully, listening to its contents jingle.

"Damn, Kali. You're a walking gold mine."

"Yeah, yeah," she said dryly, turning away. "Just be sure to leave enough for me to buy a drink."

"Ah, why bother? I'm sure you can get free drinks if you just give the bartender a lap dance."

The men roared with laughter and meandered over to the bar with the gypsy's purse in hand. Kali simply smiled and walked towards the back of the restaurant where the restrooms were located. Gojyo never missed a single step she took, enraptured by every chime of her anklet and sway of her silvery skirt, particularly the sequined part that hung low on her tanned hips.

She brushed by their table, glanced briefly at the four men surrounding it, and disappeared into the back.

Gojyo threw his arms behind his head and leaned back with a smirk on his face.

"Whaddya know? She's got green eyes. That officially makes her the perfect woman."

"Oh?" Hakkai looked over at his friend. "But you don't even know her."

"Trust me, I know everything I need to."

Sanzo inhaled deeply on his cigarette. When he exhaled the grey stream of smoke, he let out a deep growl,

"You're an idiot."

"Oh, bite me."

A few minutes later the gypsy reappeared, though her outfit had changed, much to Gojyo's disappointment. She had shed the white dress for a pair of brown harem pants and a white blouse that bared her shoulders and forearms. A chocolate-colored corset fit snugly around her torso and a rosy, silk sash was tied around her waist. She walked past the table again, barefooted, and made her way to the bar. As soon as she leaned herself against the counter and ordered a drink, Gojyo left the table with a roguish grin on his face.

"No way," Goku said, staring in disbelief as the older man walked away. "He actually abandoned his dinner." A second passed as he realized what this meant. "All right!"

"Sanzo, you think it wise to let him do this?" Hakkai asked, genuinely worried about what kind of mess could evolve out of Gojyo's attempt to woo a gypsy.

"As a matter of fact, I do," he said wryly. "It'll be good for him to have his ass kicked for once."

Hakkai frowned, curious as to what the monk was thinking. He looked over his shoulder, back towards the bar, where his friend approached the woman from behind.

"You know, I hate it when I see a beautiful woman get mixed up in the wrong crowd," Gojyo said smoothly. "You could do so much better than these dirt bags."

The nomads sprung to their feet, immediately forgetting their drinks as they surrounded Gojyo and cut him off from the gypsy. Despite their death glares and raised fists, the redhead regarded them coolly from behind a curtain of crimson hair.

"What did you say?"

"You son of a bitch! And what makes you think you're all high and mighty?"

"It's all right, Kuan-Yin."

Even though her voice was as serene as an untouched pond, the men started as though she had cracked a whip above their heads. Kali was facing them now, with one hand on her hip and a knowing grin bending her lips. "I can handle this one."

Gojyo grinned smugly while the men around him reluctantly retreated, sullen and mumbling. She was even more beautiful up close, where he could see the freckles spotted across her cheeks and the glittering light within her jade eyes.

"Impressive," he said, taking the seat next to her. "You have them all so well-trained."

"That was rude." The sharp edge in her tongue made him blink. "I would never say such things about your friends, so don't insult mine."

Gojyo raised an eyebrow. "You honestly think they're your friends?"

"Yes. I know they look and act like shady characters, but then again…so am I."

"How so, beautiful?"

She leaned in a little closer, tantalizing him. "You do know the prettiest flower is the most poisonous."

"And what's life without a little bit of risk? Trust me, sweetheart; a little bit of your venom is exactly what the doctor prescribed."

Kali shook her head and emptied the last of her drink. Gojyo noticed the orange-brown scrollwork on her arms and hands, most of which were intricate scrolls and patterns, but there was also a blossoming lotus underneath her arm. On her other, a vine climbed its way up from her middle finger to her elbow. It was, of course irresistible to Gojyo, who nimbly reached out and started trailing the designs with his finger.

"A lotus, huh?" he purred. "Not a very toxic plant, if you ask me. In fact, I think I heard somewhere that it stands for purity."

"It's a paradox," she said, allowing him to graze her skin a while longer. "We gypsies are more known for our thieving talents, than our sense of virtue. But I just like the blossom."

"Thieving is right. I wonder how many men's hearts you've stolen with that dance routine of yours."

"Don't get used to it. I only did that because I lost a bet."

Gojyo blinked. "You gamble?"

"Perhaps."

He made sure she saw the impish grin on his face before he spoke again.

"Then tell ya what. How about we go back to my room and I can teach you a little card game or two? There's a certain kind of poker that I think you'd be a natural at."

Kali couldn't help herself. She flashed him a pretty little half-grin and studied his face for a moment, taking in the streamlined scars on his cheekbone and the handsome mane of crimson hair draping to his shoulders. Just when he began to feel uneasy beneath her gaze that suggested she knew too much, the gypsy looked away. Staring at her hands clutched around the empty glass, she said,

"You know, it'll take more than a pretty pair of eyes to tempt me."

Gojyo smirked. _Pretty. _And to think that all his life, he'd thought they were bloody and cursed. "Then what would, beautiful?"

"I suppose I might consider it if I had another drink."

Convinced of his victory, Gojyo flagged down the bartender, ignoring the dirty looks coming from her so-called 'friends.' No sooner had he placed his order for a set of beers, then a younger man practically pounced on his shoulders with all the energy of a hyperactive gibbon.

"Hey! Gojyo! Can you order me some ramen while you're at it? Oh! And another round of meat buns!"

Kali winced at the sound of Gojyo's fist connecting with the boy's head.

"For the love of God!" Gojyo growled, incessantly pummeling Goku's head into the restaurant floor with his boot. "Die! Just die and leave me alone for five minutes, you stupid monkey!"

"Hey."

"Like hell any of my money would pay for food for you!"

"Hey! Gojyo!"

The sharp voice reached his ears, though he didn't recognize it at first. Gojyo felt someone seize his bare upper arm, fingers pinching painfully into his skin.

"Cut it out," Kali said harshly, scolding him with a dangerous glare that was too gorgeous to be threatening. The redhead watched, jaw slackened, as she bent down to Goku and rested her hand on the top of his head.

"You've got to be shitting me," Gojyo muttered. "Don't worry about him. He's like a cockroach—you can't kill him."

"I think that role has already been filled," she said smoothly and spared him a teasing glance.

"Ow…" Goku started to sit up, rubbing his forehead. "Gojyo, you're such a jerk. All you had to do was say 'no.'"

"Yes," Kali said, "but then he wouldn't have had a chance to show off how tough he is." She smiled. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Kali ruffled the top of his hair and they both stood. "Kali."

"I'm Goku."

"So how is it Goku, that you're unfortunate enough to know this guy?"

Gojyo closed his eyes, more than a little annoyed, and lit a cigarette. "Oh shut up."

"We're traveling west together," the golden-eyed boy explained. "All four of us." He motioned back to the table where Hakkai and Sanzo were sitting. Kali swept a brief glance over the two, intrigued by the smoking monk and the human-looking demon.

"West, huh? Well, I hate to tell you, but—"

"Hey, those are cool!" Kali started as Goku nearly pressed his nose to her hand, smiling at the henna patterns snaking up her arm. "Awesome! I don't think I've ever seen tattoos like these before!"

She chuckled. "Well, I'm sure we could always slap one on you, if you'd like."

"Yeah, Goku," Gojyo smirked, "I'm sure she could always draw a banana or somethin.'"

Much to Gojyo's delight, Kali laughed, but reassuringly placed her hand on the angry boy's shoulder as she did so.

A deep rumbling beneath their feet cut her laughter short. The thunder grew louder and a harsh wind breezed through the restaurant windows, sending napkins and dust flying through the air like a bad mix of confetti.

Gojyo closed one eye against the biting wind. "What the hell?"

Kali kept her eye on the windows that looked out into the street. Not a second later, a stampede of demons rampaged through the small road, madly snarling and shouting. Hundreds of grey faces streamed past in a blur, foamy saliva dribbling from their chins and blank, savage eyes rolling wildly in their sockets.

Goku summoned his staff and took a step forward, but Kali's calm voice made him stop.

"Wait."

He frowned up at her. "Huh?"

"They'll pass."

A few minutes later, the thunder faded into a distant rumble and the last of the demons disappeared in a cloud of dust.

"Well I'll be," Gojyo said. "Is there somethin' ya know that we don't, sweetheart?"

"What was with those demons?" Goku wondered, relaxed now that the riot was over. "It's like…they were possessed or something."

It hardly lasted a second, but Gojyo saw it; a grave, anxious look in Kali's eyes as she glanced at her gang of comrades. That same knowing stare she had used when looking at him.

She turned back to them, resting her elbow on the bar counter.

"Let's just say you guys may have a bit of a roadblock ahead of you."

* * *

**A/N: Can I just say this story is turning out to be way too much fun xD **


	2. Sometimes, Things Happen

"Huh? Whaddya mean?" Goku asked.

The bartender returned to drop off the beers and Gojyo casually threw one to Kali before cracking open his own.

"Could we also get an order of meat buns?" she asked the bartender. "Thanks. You can put it on his tab." She motioned to Gojyo, who nearly sprayed his drink all over the counter.

"You know," he grumbled, ignoring the way she was smiling at him, "you're turning out to be a bigger pain in the ass than the stupid monkey."

"That may be true," she said, "but I come with better benefits in the end." And she winked at him.

"All right! Meat buns! You're the best, Kali!" Goku threw his arms around her waist, hugging her almost painfully. The kid was stronger than he looked.

She laughed and looked up at Gojyo. "What's wrong with you guys? Don't you ever feed the poor thing?"

Without a word Gojyo bit down on his cigarette, grabbed her arm and led her over to the table. Amassed before her was probably every dish and bowl the restaurant owned, stacked into precarious towers. At least a dozen pairs of chopsticks were strewn about the table, along with countless beer cans, sake pitchers, and a few ashtrays to boot.

Gojyo looked expectantly at Kali, waiting for any hint of surprise or shock to wipe the smile off her face. Instead, she grinned prettily at him and said,

"So what's one more plate of meat buns?"

He had never been so grateful for nicotine, which—at that moment—was the only thing keeping him from pulling out his hair. Or hers.

Hakkai smiled up at Kali. "Hi there."

"Hey. I hope you don't mind the intrusion."

"No, no, not at all."

"Yes." The surly voice that came from the other side of the table belonged to the blonde man, whose eyes were closed to the world as he smothered the remains of his cigarette into an ashtray. "I was enjoying my peace and quiet before you brought the idiots back."

"Hey!"

"Who're you calling idiots?"

Kali thoughtfully watched Sanzo for a minute before she seated herself beside Hakkai, theatrically slamming her elbow onto the table.

"Don't mind him," Hakkai said. "It's been a long day for all of us. He's just ornery from traveling."

"Probably," Kali said, never taking her eyes off Sanzo. "But he also meant what he said."

The priest flashed her a cold look, revealing his striking amethyst eyes. Even under the scrutiny of his practiced scowl the gypsy seemed to be at ease, picking him apart with that canny stare of hers.

"Cho Hakkai." The young man next to her held out a hand.

Kali finally tore her eyes away from the monk and turned her attention to Hakkai, somewhat unprepared to meet such a handsome face up close.

"Why is it," she asked incredulously, "that all of you are blessed with such beautiful eyes?"

Gojyo snorted.

"Oh," Hakkai bashfully raised his hand behind his head. "I don't know about that."

"Well that's because you hide yours," she said gently and reached up to brush the thick bangs away from his monocle.

Before Hakkai had a chance to respond, the waiter returned to deliver the plate of meat buns. Kali watched a very happy Goku gobble down the food while the waiter discreetly slipped the bill to Gojyo, who hardly even glanced at it.

"Hey, Sanzo, lend me the card, will ya?"

"No."

"Oh come on. I've got better things to spend my money on instead of pet food."

"Then why did you order it, idiot?"

"Hey! For your information, I didn't!" He pointed a finger at Kali. "She did! The gypsy tricked me into it!"

"Then you shouldn't be so gullible," Sanzo growled and lit another cigarette.

"Oh please. You were watching her dance, too, so don't act like you could've resisted any better th—"

There was a gentle _click _as Sanzo readied the gun that was now beneath Gojyo's chin.

"Say another word and you die."

Goku, with his cheeks full of half-eaten food, giggled. Once free of Sanzo's weapon, Gojyo grabbed the nearest meat bun and threw it into Goku's face with a satisfying _smack_.

"Hakkai, was it?" Kali looked at the smiling man beside her. "It must be fun to have such—colorful—friends."

He chuckled. "Yes, that's a good way of putting it. Though I'd by lying if I said it wasn't exhausting at times."

At this, Kali looked towards Sanzo. "Indeed."

"I noticed you have a group you travel with. Are they gypsies, too?"

"Who? Them?" She motioned back towards the men at the bar. "No. They're just a bunch of misfit friends I've picked up along the way, and I'm glad I did. Even if they're a little rough around the edges, traveling in numbers has its advantages."

"I take it you've had your share of run-ins with demons, then," Hakkai noted, a darker note entering his voice.

"A few."

She took a swig of her beer, watching amusedly as Gojyo searched his back pockets for his wallet. Having finished his meat buns, Goku watched Kali carefully and wondered why she was grinning. All she did was flash him a quick wink.

"Dammit!" the redhead finally cursed aloud. "Where the hell's my wallet? Hakkai, lend me some money."

"I would but, unfortunately, I don't have any money on me. Sorry."

"Looks like it's kitchen duty for you tonight," Sanzo added, sounding somewhat pleased at the idea.

It took every scrap of willpower within her to keep from laughing. When Gojyo looked over at her, cheeks nearly as red as his hair, she smiled at him.

"All right, all right." She threw a handful of coins onto the table and leaned back in her chair. "Good thing I'm so fond of you."

Goku blinked. "You shouldn't have to do that, Kali. It's not like it's your fault he lost his wallet."

Kali chuckled, the freckles across her face bunching together as she smiled. "Well, you know. Sometimes, things happen."

"Speaking of the unexpected," Hakkai said, "I overheard you saying something about a roadblock up ahead. I don't suppose it has anything to do with those demons."

Kali scratched behind her ear with one long painted finger, while Sanzo watched the way her eyes narrowed into emerald slits.

"Yes, they would be part of the problem. But your bigger challenge is the one that's controlling them."

Gojyo frowned. "Controlling them?"

"They're being summoned by a demon that lives in the mountain pass just west of this village. For the past few weeks now, the youkai in the region have been swarming in huge numbers and all of them seem to be possessed by something. Every now and then they take humans with them, or kill just for sport but most as you saw, are assembling under the shadow of the demon that lives on that mountain. No one's really sure why, but rumor has it they're building a weapon that requires youkai and human blood to build it."

"How do you know all this?" Sanzo asked, not bothering to hide the suspicion in his voice.

"There used to be six of us." Kali looked back at the men at the bar and her eyes softened. "We were traveling up in that pass, heading eastward into town when we were ambushed." She looked back at Sanzo. "Trust me. There's nothing like watching your friend being devoured by a demon to drive the truth home."

The bitter undertone in her words hung in the air for a brief moment.

"So…why hasn't anyone done anything?" Goku asked.

Kali smiled. "Some people don't see any reason to interfere, since the youkai have mostly kept to themselves. But most of them are afraid; the demon's promised to kill anyone that tries to enter or leave the village and so far, they've made good on their promise."

"In other words," Gojyo said, "he's keeping the villagers in a nice tight-nit circle so he can pick and choose from them whenever he wants—like shooting fish in a barrel."

"And I can handle a few demons as well as anybody," Kali said, throwing her stenciled hands behind her head, "but I can't take on an army. At least, not without some help."

"Well, since we're headed that way anyhow, I suppose we could make a little side stop," Hakkai said.

"Great," Sanzo growled. "Just what I need—another headache to deal with."

Kali smiled at Hakkai and brushed a thick strand of hair away from her face. "I take it that's his way of saying 'yes?'"

He chuckled. "More or less."

The glare she got from Sanzo was too pretty to be threatening.

"Hey, Kali, you're comin' with us, right?" Goku's round golden eyes were impossible to refuse. "Right?"

"Right. You'll need a guide to get you up the mountain anyway. It's trickier than it looks."

"Please," Gojyo rolled his eyes. "How hard can it be?"

Kali leaned forward, her corseted chest tempting the redhead to look a little farther south than her face, though he knew there would be hell to pay if he did. "You'd be surprised. Knowing the four of you now the way I do, I'd say your chances of finding your way out of that pass would be slim to none."

He smirked. "Then I'd have to say you don't know us at all, do you?"

"Oh no?" She scrutinized each of them as she went around the table, starting with Hakkai. "The healer that can't cure his own wounds. A priest that worships all things unholy. The playboy that seeks pleasure to hide pain. And you—" She smiled warmly at Goku and ruffled his chocolate-colored hair. "You're just happy to be here, aren't you?" Looking at their speechless faces, she immediately knew she'd been right. "Yeah. You'd be going in circles for weeks."

The gypsy stood, black waves cascading down her long back, blending into the rosy sash around her waist. "I'd better return to my own party. Sleep well tonight. You'll need your strength for tomorrow."

"How will you know where to find us?" Hakkai asked, still wondering if she had used some gypsy spell to delve into them.

"Oh, you guys stand out from the crowd well enough. Don't worry—I'll find you."

She started to walk away, then stopped and turned. "Oh, Gojyo." The redhead quickly looked up at her face, praying that she didn't catch the way his eyes had been glued to her rump only a moment before. Though something about the grin on her face told him she knew exactly what he was doing.

With a quick flick of her wrist, Kali tossed him his wallet and savored the borderline horrified expression on his handsome face.

"Never put your wallet in your back pocket. It makes it far too easy to steal."

* * *

**A/N: hahahahaha, I crack myself up sometimes ^_^**


	3. Onward

"Hey you guys, I—"

_Whack!_

The fan clapped Goku over the head with seasoned accuracy. "Ow! Sanzo! I didn't even do anything that time!"

"You opened your mouth."

"So how'd you know I wasn't gonna say somethin' really important, huh?"

Sitting in the backseat of the jeep, Goku glowered at the back of the monk's head and rubbed the spot where the fan had met his skull. Even after all these years, he still couldn't understand how the priest managed to instill such power in something as flimsy as a paper fan.

"Important? Heh. I guess there's a first time for everything," Gojyo said smoothly. He was watching the tree canopy pass overhead with one arm slung over the side of the jeep, the beloved cigarette dangling from his lips.

"Like you're one to talk, you stupid water sprite."

"Why you little—that's it. I've just about had it with you and your attitude, ya dumb monkey!"

"You guys, don't you think it's a little early in the morning to start this?" Hakkai smiled a little, but Sanzo looked sideways at him, sensing the exasperation in the man. From the faint circles under his eyes and the misplaced tufts of hair sprouting from the back of his head, it looked as though Hakkai hadn't slept much last night and Sanzo was willing to bet it was because of a certain snoring chimp that used anything—and anyone—as a pillow.

"…be such an asshole all the time?" Goku growled, pulling on one of Gojyo's long "antennae" hairs. "It's not my fault you didn't get laid last night!"

Gojyo smashed his hand into Goku's cheek. Hard. "Hey! For your information, I was doin' just fine until you had to jump in and ruin everything!"

"Whatever. You just can't stand the idea of being rejected. Guess there's a first for everything, huh?"

"I have to admit it's been a while since I've seen a woman get the best of Gojyo," Hakkai said thoughtfully. "But then again…I can't help but think it kind of eerie how she seemed to know us all so well."

"You think it's some gypsy trick?" Sanzo asked.

"I hope that's all it was. But as far as tricks go, that was a little too true to be a coincidence."

Gojyo, recalling what Kali had said about him being a pleasure seeking 'playboy,' looked despairingly at the back of his friend's head. "Thanks, pal."

"Hey you guys, I thought we were gonna wait for her," Goku peeked his head between Sanzo and Hakkai. "She did say she was gonna help us get up the mountain, right?"

Sanzo, arms folded into the sleeves of his robes, bowed his head and let out an irritable growl,

"We don't have the time."

"But she said—"

"Will you forget whatever she said?" Gojyo plastered his boot into the side of Goku's face. "How come you never listen this good whenever we tell you somethin', ya dumb monkey?"

"Gross, man! Get your shoe off me! I don't wanna know where that thing's been!"

"I wonder why she thought we'd need a guide," Hakkai said. "The roads here are in good condition and as long as we keep heading west, we're bound to find the pass sooner or later."

"Makes you wonder if she had some other motive in mind," Sanzo muttered.

"I know, but I didn't sense any ill intentions from her. She bought Goku meat buns, after all."

"No 'ill intentions?'" Gojyo wanted to roll his eyes. "She stole my wallet from me. Or did you forget already?"

Hakkai grinned at nothing in particular. "No, I didn't forget. I also didn't forget how she gave it back to you. I guess that means she must like you."

"Of course she does," Gojyo said smugly and hooked his arms behind his head. "She just doesn't know it yet."

"Whatever you say, Gojyo."

Sanzo looked up from his chest. "Hakkai."

"Hm?"

"Pull over."

Frowning, Hakkai did as the monk commanded, not bothering to second-guess the intensity in his voice.

"Something wrong?" Goku asked, looking around.

"If ya gotta take a piss, make it quick," Gojyo mumbled around his cigarette. "I'm not waitin' here all day for your pretty ass."

"Sanzo?" Hakkai watched as the priest began to load fresh rounds of bullets into his banishing gun with soft _clicks_.

"We're being followed," he said.

Gojyo tossed out his cigarette. "Man, I can't stand guys that don't have the guts to come out and fight face to face." He leapt out of the car and spread his arms wide, mocking the forest around them. "Well, come on! If you're waiting for a chance to attack, it's not gonna get much better than this!"

"Gojyo, I don't think—"

Before Hakkai could finish, a thin line of silver flashed out of the tree canopy and wrapped itself around Gojyo's neck. A second one hissed from across the road and snagged his ankle. As each cable began tightening in opposite directions, the redhead let out a choked,  
"Shit!"

"Gojyo!"

Goku flew out of the back of the trunk, just in time to hear something whistle past his head and thud into a nearby tree. Glancing behind him, he caught sight of what looked like a small dart.

With a fuse in it.

"Goku! Look out!"

The miniature arrow suddenly exploded, carving out a large chunk of the now blackened tree trunk. As bits of bark rained through the air, Hakkai thrust forth an energy field of chi, deflecting another dozen or so of the explosive darts.

"Dammit!" Hakkai gritted his teeth. "I can't see any of them! They're moving too fast!"

Sanzo aimed his gun up into the canopy. "Goku! Take care of Gojyo!"

"Right!"

The young man raced out from behind Hakkai's protective barrier, following the taut cable that was tearing into Gojyo's neck. When he finally found the massive, hideous demon holding the other end, he was surprised the kappa's head hadn't snapped off already.

"Whoa, man. I knew demons could be ugly, but I bet not even your mother could love that face!"

Goku charged forward, staff poised to nail the demon on its warty forehead, until a second youkai attacked from the side. Goku dodged the blow and looked back at his foe. He scowled at the wicked-looking scythe in its clawed hands.

Back on the road, only one out of nearly fifty gunshots had proven to be successful. The small demon that had been flitting in the trees fell to the ground and vaporized into a million black specks. Hakkai released his barrier and turned to Sanzo, who was still keeping his amethyst eyes up in the treetops.

"Hakkai!"

Another whip-like cable cracked through the air and ensnared itself around Hakkai's throat. Thinking fast, Hakkai raised his fist against his neck, keeping the rope from suffocating him completely. Sanzo wheeled in time to catch sight of the demon flying towards him, fangs bared in vicious hunger. He raised his gun to the youkai's forehead and calmly pulled the trigger. Even as the backfiring wind from the blast tossed his golden hair about his face, he turned back to Hakkai, surprised to find he was standing freely.

"Gojyo."

Hakkai ran over to Gojyo, relieved to hear him coughing as the air returned to his lungs. The severed cables trailed loosely a few inches from his ankle and neck. A few colorful curses escaped between Gojyo's raspy breaths and Hakkai smiled a bit.

"That'll teach you to tease your enemies," he said.

Even with his coughing, Gojyo still heard Sanzo mutter something that sounded a lot like "idiot." He tried to swear at them both, but the surging blood in his head made it hard to think. Instead, he uttered the only two words he could muster:

"Where's Goku?"

As if on cue, Goku crashed through a nearby thicket, tearing bushes and tree limbs with him as he tried to stop himself from skidding across the road. When the scythe-wielding demon stepped into view, Goku stayed crouched low, hesitant to attack again.

"Shit! I can't get close enough!"

Sanzo raised his gun, took aim at the demon's head, and fired. The demon was faster than it looked. It spun the scythe blade directly in the path of the bullet, making for a pretty shower of white sparks as it ricocheted off into the forest.

Sanzo lowered his weapon. "Dammit. I was kinda hoping that would work."

Hakkai's eyes narrowed. "Wait. Look."

The demon went very still for a moment, then started to fall backwards, it's head halfway detached from its neck. The scythe clattered to the ground and the lifeless youkai burst into a cloud of black dust, revealing the person that had been hiding behind it.

Goku blinked. "Kali!"

The gypsy's thick mane of black hair swirled around her face, still in motion from the killing blow she had delivered. In her hand was a single curved knife, glinting like a silver tooth when the sunlight hit it.

"No way," Gojyo breathed. "Your shot must've given her enough time to get close enough."

Out of the corner of his eye, Hakkai saw Sanzo start to raise his gun. He cocked the weapon.

"Sanzo, what are you doing?"

"Have you lost your mind?"

Kali stared calmly at the priest and turned to face the barrel of the gun. Her eyes met his for a brief moment and then she watched him pull the trigger.

"Kali!"

"No!"

The fierce blast echoed across the mountainside as the bullet flew towards its target. The others jumped, surprised to feel the shockwave of the gunshot thump against their chest. Kali remained still, even as the bullet grazed the edges of her hair and buried into the chest of the hideous demon approaching her from behind.

The youkai roared and reached upward with its stubby, deformed fingers, clawing for the heavens before exploding into shards of blackness.

Kali smiled. "You ok, Goku?"

The young man was flat on his back, eyes swirling in some distant haze. "That depends," he groaned.

"I'm not sure I could take it if you did something like that again," Hakkai let a hint of anger touch his voice.

"Sanzo, you asshole!" Gojyo stood. "I don't know what the hell goes on up inside that head of yours, but—"

"Shut up." The priest tucked away his gun. "Or would you prefer that I didn't save her?"

Gojyo, temporarily defeated, looked back at the gypsy. There was a faded shawl draped around her neck and a bracelet on her wrist that was chained to the hilt in her hand. She helped Goku to his feet before wandering over to the other three.

"I don't know why I thought you guys would listen to me. I should've known better."

She grabbed Gojyo's chin in her tattooed hand and lifted his face up so she could see the angry white mark the wire had left behind. Even he surprised himself when he swatted her hand away.

"What, Gojyo?" she teased. "You're not still mad about my little prank last night, are you?"

"No."

"Good. Then let's go." She started to walk away, into the thick brush of the forest's edge. When no one followed, she stopped and turned around. "Yes, this means you have to leave the car behind."

"Not necessarily," Hakkai said. "Let's go Hakuryu."

Kali closed her eyes against the brief white light that engulfed the jeep, which sounded as though it were squealing from somewhere within. In a matter of seconds a miniature dragon as white as snow was flapping in midair, making its way over to Hakkai, where it landed on his shoulder with a soft _kyu_. "Looks like you get to take a break for a while, buddy."

Kali grinned and turned her gaze on a very annoyed-looking Sanzo. "Anything else I should know about? Is your scripture going to turn into your pet snake?"

"Why would he need a snake?" Gojyo said smugly. "He's already got a pet monkey."

"I do not."

Goku frowned. "You better not be talking about me."

"Who else would I be talking about?"

"I'm not anyone's pet! And for the last time, I'm not a monkey!"

"True," Gojyo said thoughtfully. "Pets are housetrained. I guess that rules you out."

As the two disappeared into a cloud of fists and impressive swearing, Hakkai crossed his arms and leaned over to Kali.

"You know, you might regret doing this. These could be the longest, most wasted days of your entire life."

She smiled. "I somehow doubt that."

* * *

**A/N: I feel like I'm being a little rough on Gojyo thus far. Maybe it's time for Kali to pick on someone else? Like...Sanzo? Oh yeah. This could be good xD **


	4. A Cigarette Break

**A/N: You guys! I'm so sorry this has taken forever for me to update! This chapter's not very long, but I felt obligated to give you guys SOMETHING after waiting forever. I hope you like! **

* * *

The five travelers trekked along through the narrow, overgrown paths of the mountainside in a perfect line with Kali leading the way, Goku not far behind, then Hakkai, Sanzo, and lastly Gojyo. The redhead seemed to be trying to keep a healthy distance between himself and the gypsy.

"Remind me again why we couldn't use the road?"

Kali glanced back over her shoulder and grinned. "What's wrong, Sanzo? Too hard to hike in that dress of yours?"

Gojyo snickered, loud enough for Sanzo to hear. In one fluid move, the priest walked past a low branch, pulled it, then suddenly let it go and it whipped into the kappa's face with a satisfying _whack._

"Ow! Sanzo, you asshole! What the hell kinda cheap shot was that?"

"I thought it was a pretty clever one, if you ask me."

Hakkai smiled hopelessly, nimbly picking his way around the rocks on the trail with Hakuryu perched on his shoulder. "I think what Sanzo was trying to say was that this seems to be the long way around the mountain. Wouldn't it have been more efficient to stay closer to the road?"

"Oh sure," she said. "But the demons are expecting that. They've camped out all along the highway, waiting to ambush any travelers. By all means, feel free to return to the main road if you want, but…seems kinda foolish if you ask me."

Hakkai looked up from the ground, studying the back of the gypsy's corset. "It sounds like you've spent a lot of time up here."

"Eh…let's just say I'm a fast learner."

She turned into a denser thicket, following some unseen trail that was laden with brambles and vines. Despite the shade, the air was thick and muggy and filled with giant spider webs laced across their path. To make matters worse, the terrain was quickly becoming steeper with each step and it wasn't long before she could hear heavy wheezes coming from the rear of her little caravan.

With her hand on the trunk of a giant tree, Kali paused and turned around to face the others. Eyeing Sanzo in particular, she said,

"Should we take a break?"

He never said a word, but she read the message loud and clear in his beautiful, violet glare: _fuck off_.

"Yeah!" Goku thrust a fist into the air. "Lunch break!"

"Well, I was thinking more like a cigarette break for some people," Kali muttered. In truth, she wasn't trying to completely ridicule Sanzo; she could only imagine what he was like if he didn't get his hourly dose of nicotine. A monk from hell, probably.

"But Goku," Hakkai said, "it's not even noon yet. In fact, it's barely ten in the morning."

"But I'm starving," the teen whined. "Sanzo, can't we just have a little snack? Just one? Please?"

Kali flinched as the infamous fan whipped across Goku's head. Hakkai looked back at her with a distinct I—told—you—so expression smugly printed across his face.

"Why the hell are you asking me? Do I look like a pantry to you?"

"But Sanzo! All this hiking is making me really hungry! And there's nothing out here but leaves and rocks!"

"Then try chewing on a few," Sanzo said and brushed his way past Goku.

Goku looked at the various green plants surrounding him, seriously considering Sanzo's words, then turned his golden eyes back to the priest.

"Hey, Sanzo! How do I know which ones aren't poisonous? Sanzo!"

"For the love of—" The priest wheeled around and a flash of white clapped over Goku's head again. "I swear, you're whiny little ass is starting to give me a headache! So shut up or so help me, I'll—"

"All right, Sanzo. No need to beat the kid into a pulp," Kali stepped forward. "C'mon, Goku. I'll show you something."

She steered the teen away with one stenciled hand on his shoulder, leading him back up the path and a little off the beaten trail. Hakkai and Gojyo both looked expectantly at Sanzo. Never before had anyone ever taken the monkey away from his owner in the middle of a training session. That was something not even they dared to do. To their surprise, the monk simply huffed and walked on until he came to a large boulder further up the trail. Leaning against it, he calmly took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Hakkai?" Gojyo made sure to keep his voice quiet. "Did you just—?"

"—witness Sanzo willingly acquiesce to a gypsy?"

"Dude, small words."

The green-eyed man chuckled. "Yes Gojyo, I did. Why did he listen to her, I wonder? Do you think its because he actually trusts her?"

"Nah," Gojyo grinned and walked ahead. "More like he really needed a smoke."

* * *

"Here," Kali pointed to a series of shrubs scattered about their feet. They were speckled with flaming orange flowers and underneath their pedals were dark red and purple berries. Goku watched curiously as she bent down to pluck some of the fruit from a stem. "These are good to eat. Just be sure to peel off the leaves. Those'll give you nasty indigestion, which means they'd be good to put in Sanzo's beer."

Goku laughed. "Or that stupid kappa." Kali watched with a smile as the boy started harvesting his own handfuls of berries, devouring them as quickly as he was picking them. "Mm…they're really good!" She undid the sash around her waist and used it as a basket to collect the fruits, eating a few as she went along.

"Doesn't that hurt your feet?"

She glanced down at her bare toes. "Not really. In fact, I think it's more painful if I _do _wear shoes. Besides, they make me trip a lot."

At this, the teen giggled. Then, descending into a more serious tone, he said,

"Hey, Kali?"

"Hm?"

"Are all gypsies thieves?"

"Not necessarily. Though we do seem to have a certain knack for it. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it…well, it's just 'cause I've never met a gypsy before, but everyone always tells me to watch out for 'em, 'cause they lie and cheat and steal your stuff and do all these bad things. But you're not like that at all."

"Well, I can't say that I've never lied or stolen anything, but it's not really fair to say all gypsies are 'bad' people. That would be like saying all demons are evil. And that's certainly not true, is it?"

Goku, seeing the sly grin on her face, cocked his head. "Do you…do you know about Hakkai?" She nodded. "How can you tell?"

"He seems like a pretty fashionable guy anyway, but he probably wouldn't be wearing those ear cuffs if he didn't have to. Right?"

"Oh. His limiters."

The boy fell quiet again, and Kali's gaze landed on his gold coronet catching the sunlight that filtered in from the canopy above. Still smiling, she plucked a few more berries.

"And up until yesterday, I thought all monks were good and virtuous and holy," she said. "Boy, was I wrong."

Goku laughed. "Yeah, I guess Sanzo's a little different from other priests." The teen threw a berry up into the air, tossed his head back, and let it plop into his gaping mouth. "But he's always been that way. Ever since I can remember. He can be a real pain in the ass, 'specially when he hits me with his fan, and sometimes he can be really scary, too. But he's not a bad person."

Kali watched calmly as he continued to catch the tiny fruits in his mouth. "How long have you known Sanzo?"

"Mm…a couple years, but it seems a lot longer than that. He was the one that found me. Sanzo took me back to live with him at the temple and if it weren't for him, I dunno where'd I be."

The gypsy grinned, emerald eyes sparkling as if she had just been let it on some secret. Turning back to her berry harvesting, she said,

"Well then, I guess he can't be so bad."

When her sash was full of ripened berries and Goku's lips were stained a rich purple from eating an entire bush's worth of fruit, she started to turn back towards the path. Goku skipped along behind her, nimbly frolicking through the thick undergrowth like the monkey that he swore he wasn't.

"You think Sanzo's finished his cigarette by now?" she asked Goku.

"Probably. He always burns through 'em really fast when he's pissed."

"Oh? Is there ever a time he's not pissed?"

"Well, not really," Goku said nonchalantly. "But he was _really _pissed when we left him."

"How can you tell?"

"He brings out the fan."

"Ah."

* * *

**A/N: It took me a while to figure out what Goku and Kali were going to talk about; it's extremely hard to put Goku into a serious conversation, so I apologize if it gets a little 'meh' towards the end here. I promise the next chapter will have more funnies =) Thank you for reading! **


	5. Bulletproof

**A/N: Remember this story? Yeah, I know. Me too. **

* * *

"So…Hakuryu, was it?"

Kali kept a steady pace beside Hakkai, the two of them forming the center of the little convoy. Sanzo and Gojyo brought up the rear, sulking in silence for the most part, while Goku raced on ahead, darting in and out of the vegetation so fast he was hardly more than a brown blur. After nearly the ninth whacking from Sanzo's fan, Kali had gently suggested that the hyperactive Goku go on ahead and act as "scout," though it was mostly an attempt to spare Sanzo's nerves and save the rest of them from the monk's irritable wrath.

"He's awfully cute," Kali said, holding up a hand to dragon perched on Hakkai's shoulder. Hakuryu let out a soft 'kyu' and rubbed his tiny forehead against her tattooed finger. "And that's quite a trick you've got up your sleeve, little one. I've not seen many dragons that can change into cars."

Hakkai smiled. "We owe a lot to Hakuryu. He's the only reason we've been able to come so far."

She looked past the dragon towards Hakkai. "How far do you intend to go?"

He smiled at her, a little unconvincingly in Kali's opinion. "As far west as necessary, I suppose."

The gypsy's mouth twisted into a knowing grin. "That was well put."  
"What do you mean?"

"I mean that was a very clever way to say it's none of my business. It's all right, though. No one said you had to be honest with me."

"Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that. As a matter of fact, I have complete confidence in you."

Kali raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

A certain blond priest shouted from behind,

"Hey, gypsy! You sure you know where the hell we're going?"

She smiled. "Because they don't." Glancing over her shoulder, she tried to hide the smirk that came from watching Sanzo struggle his way through the overgrowth. "Well for your sake, monk, I sure do hope so, otherwise we could be out here for a very long time."

Hakkai eyed her thoughtfully. "Kali…where exactly are we going?"

"As far up as necessary," she returned smoothly, then laughed at the expression on his face and gently clapped him on the back. "There's a cave entrance near the top of the mountain that we can spend the night in. If we keep it up, we should be there before nightfall. From there, it's a short journey to the pass, where the demons will most likely have gathered. Hear that, Sanzo? Think you can make your smokes last until tomorrow?"

"They better," Gojyo said. " 'Cause there's no way you're gettin' any of mine."

"I'd rather try smoking the leaves around here before I have any of your shitty cigarettes."

"Go on ahead," the redhead replied sarcastically. "And if you pick a toxic plant and die, I'm gonna laugh at your funeral."

"Dumbass. I'll let miss know-it-all trail guide do the choosing. "

"Now, now," Hakkai said, "I hardly think Kali would have any knowledge as to which—"

"Wormwood." The three men stared at her in disbelief. "Wormwood's the best. Hard to find, but worth it if you do." Kali smiled at their dumbfounded expressions, winked, and then ran off in search of Goku. "Hey! Goku! Hold on a minute!"

After a moment of walking with the sound of nothing but the twigs and dirt crunching beneath their feet, Sanzo broke the silence with an undignified snort.

"Unbelievable," he muttered.

"Indeed," Hakkai said, not really knowing whether to be repulsed or impressed. "I don't believe I've ever met anyone so…spirited." Hakuryu cooed softly, as if in agreement.

Gojyo threw his hands behind his head. "She gambles, she smokes, she's got a killer ass…what's there not to like?"

"I'm glad to see you hold your women to such high moral standards, Gojyo," Hakkai said.

The half-youkai shrugged. "She hasn't tried to kill us yet and that's good enough for me."

Sanzo felt one, long eyebrow spasm. "The sooner we get rid of her, the better. The minute we reach the road again is the minute we lose that pain-in-the-ass gypsy, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I hear ya," Gojyo said. "But not before I find out if those henna tattoos cover the rest of her body."

"You sick bastard."

The loud _clap_ startled the nearby birds from their treetop roosts and Hakkai glanced back just in time to see the fan clear Gojyo's head. "If I have to hear one more would-be fantasy of yours, it's gonna be your sorry ass on the side of the road!"

"That _hurts_, ya shitty priest!"

"Good. It'd be a waste of my time if it didn't."

"Hey! Hey you guys!"

Hakkai turned around at the sound of the voice and spotted a spindly figure up ahead, waving one arm in the air. "Oh. It's Goku."

"Over here, you guys! You gotta come see this!"

Hakkai led the way up the last part of the hill, carefully stepping around each rock and vine with premeditated grace, until they came to a small, pristine pool in the middle of the forest. The water was a jade green, calm and clear like a beautiful sheet of glass bordered by a small shoreline of mossy rock. On one side was a small waterfall, steadily streaming a frothy white torrent of water into the lagoon. Vines and low-hanging tree branches hung over the water, like giant tails of some unseen animal in the canopy above.

Gojyo let out a soft whistle.

"Isn't it neat?" Goku asked excitedly, already starting to clamber up the waterfall rocks.

"My, it is beautiful, isn't it?" Hakkai walked to the edge of the water, admiring the crystal-like clarity. "It almost looks like someone dropped a jewel here in the middle of the forest."

"My thoughts exactly," Kali said, suddenly appearing from behind a thick tree trunk. "It's safe to drink. And I thought if some of us needed to cool off—"

At that moment, Goku, having shed his shirt and shoes, leapt into the pond from atop the waterfall with an ecstatic, "Yippee!"

The splash managed to douse Hakkai and Kali, while Sanzo and Gojyo endured a fine mist; enough to glisten the priest's hair and smother the redhead's cigarette with a soft _hiss_.

"…damned monkey."

Kali smiled at Hakkai through her drenched eyelashes. "Well. If you need a drink anyway."

Hakuryu watched curiously as the gypsy bent down, cupping handfuls of glistening water and bringing it to her lips. The white dragon shook off a fine sheet of spray from his coat and floated down to her side, cooing softly at her before lowering his own tiny muzzle to the water. Kali grinned and reached out to pet him, letting her fingers run down his soft, furry back and along his leathery wings.

"He must really like you," Hakkai said, kneeling down beside her. "Hakuryu usually doesn't let strangers touch him. As a matter of fact, he almost bit Gojyo the last time he tried to pet him."

"I don't blame you, Hakuryu. I'd probably do the same thing."

Hakkai chuckled, then sat himself on an enormous, mossy tree root that sprawled across the shoreline and into the emerald waters. He looked back out over the lagoon and smiled at the youth splashing around in the water, oblivious to Gojyo, who was still standing onshore and giving a that-was-my-last-cigarette glare towards the monkey.

"Hakkai," Kali looked back over her shoulder at him, hiding her mouth behind her shoulder. "I wanted to apologize. Back at the restaurant, when I called you out on being a healer that can't mend his own wounds…if that offended you, I'm sorry."

Hakkai smiled innocently. "Oh, it's all right. It just took me by surprise, is all. Besides…that is the truth."

She eyed him thoughtfully. "Not the whole truth. There's more to you than your flaws and sins, Hakkai. Besides, that's why you have these guys." She motioned towards the other three and let her gaze linger on Goku. "Friends are invaluable. They accept us as we are, but help us to be what we should."

Hakkai bowed his head and grinned. "I have to say, if it weren't for Gojyo, I probably wouldn't have lasted long." Kali cocked her head in curiosity. "He was the one who helped me through most of my darker years. We lived together as housemates for a while."

Kali chuckled to herself. "Well, if anyone's a good example of how to live with flaws, it's certainly that guy."

No sooner had the words left her mouth, there was a resounding,

"Son of a bitch!"

Hakkai looked up just in time to see Gojyo plummeting towards the water, his crimson hair streaming above his head like a miniature cape. By the time he crashed into a white plume of water, Goku, who was standing on the rock from where he'd pushed Gojyo, was pink in the face and doubled over with laughter.

"Ya make it too easy, ya dumb water sprite!"

Gojyo surfaced, significantly darker hair plastered to his face. "You little shit-for-brains monkey! You know what else is gonna be too easy?"

"What?"

"Breaking that scrawny little neck of yours!"

"Oh, yeah, like I've never heard that one before!"

Gojyo started to swim for shore, still shouting profanity-laced threats at Goku.

"Oh, dear." Hakkai smiled hopelessly and perched his hand behind his head. "Here we go again."

"Hey, gypsy." Sanzo walked up behind Kali with a sour scowl etched on his face. "Not all of us have the luxury of wasting time."

Kali looked up and stared defiantly at Sanzo. "Who says we're wasting it…monk?"

"Says the fact that we're just sitting around and doing nothing!"

She stood, looking on as Goku and Gojyo continued to pummel each other into oblivion. "I thought that's what monks do all day; sit around and do nothing."

"It's called meditation," Sanzo growled between gritted teeth.

"Oh, right. Well, go then." She flicked her hand and started to casually walk away. "Go meditate somewhere. Preferably at the bottom of the pond with stones tied to your feet so you're not such a pain in my ass."

"A pain in _your_ ass?" Sanzo's raised voice made Kali look back over her shoulder with a coy smile. "Welcome to my world. You should try having three!"

She laughed. "No thanks. One is usually all I can stand."

Standing waist-deep in water with a firm hand keeping Goku's head submerged, Gojyo snapped his head around. "What the hell are you guys talking about?"

It was at this point that Kali was convinced Sanzo was trying to kill her with his glare. "You're sick," he growled.

"What? You gonna hit me with your fan, too?"

"I'm considering it."

"I can tell."

"Gojyo," Hakkai said with a friendly smile. "I think you should let Goku breathe now."

The redhead complied and Goku broke the surface with a loud gasp, spluttering and couching up a few healthy mouthfuls of water.

"Gojyo, you bastard! I almost drowned! Huh?" He looked back towards the shore and frowned. "What gives? Why's Sanzo look so pissed?"

"Apparently, he's got three pains in his ass," Gojyo said smugly. "Though I have to admit…with that pretty face of his, I thought it'd be way more."

The gunshot exploded in Kali's ear and a white column of water erupted in front of Gojyo, knocking him back into the water while Goku cowered a few feet away. As the world slowly rang back into view, Kali lowered her hands and looked at the tip of Sanzo's smoking gun, then up at Sanzo. His eyes were shut and the corner of his eyebrow was twitching.

"You're the biggest one of all," he snarled.

To Kali's dismay, Gojyo opened his mouth. Again.

"That's what they all say."

"You—!" The gun fired in rapid succession, blinding white explosions bursting from the barrel. "I swear to God, if I'm not the one who gets to kill you, I'll gladly worship whoever does!"

Kali patiently waited for the monk's wrath to subside and for the last gunshot to ring far and wide through the forest.

"Well," she said matter-of-factly, "if the demons didn't know where we were before, I'm sure they do now. Shall we?"

Kali turned around and walked away, winking at Hakkai as she strode past. Hakuryu let out a cheerful screech and flew after the gypsy, leaving Hakkai and the other three men in a silent haze of gunpowder and deflated expressions.

"Um…Gojyo?" Goku looked down beside him at the man floating dazedly in the water. "You ok?"

"I hate that monk."

* * *

**A/N: Maybe I'll go back one day and rewrite the ending of this chapter...it's not what I wanted, but I wanted to give you guys something for waiting for so long! More to come soon! I would like to have this finished this summer, so I'll do my best! ^_^ Of course, any suggestions and feedback is more than welcomed! **


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